When I sit down in front of the computer, I imagine that I am telling a story to my mother. When corporate or agency communicators write, who are they talking to? It seems to me that everything we say and do ought to be geared toward the outside. Toward the public. Toward the generic "mom" who always could see the truth in plain terms. If the intended audience wouldn't want to read past the first sentence, throw the whole thing out and start again. It can be tough to negotiate with internal audiences, but an excellent end result is worth it. Good luck!